I hope

I keep gnawing at my fingers,
don't stop at the nails
but get the whole fist in there
devour up to the elbow
finally hide my awful hide
I hope I choke.

I hope my plane crashes
scream like a turbulent child,
abandon ideas of civility and art
for survival, piss my pants,
curse my god, my mother, my luck
all things I don't believe in anymore

I hope I land in the jungle,
body torn apart by quiet tigers,
bones gnawed on by the yeti.
I hope my grave goes unmarked,
my luggage never found,
journals decomposing in the swamps.

I hope my heart stays broken,
hope these wounds stay split wide open
I hope I never write again
make excuses, drop the pen
I hope I give up hope
I give up